A Wish the Heart Makes: Fornever in Blue Genes

by Tigger

Chapter 9: Working out the Kinks

"One hundred seventy four centimeters tall (5'8.5") and 56.5
kilograms, Matt."  Cat looked up from her datapad.  "Not too
shabby, but you are little high, percent body fat-wise, on the
immersion test."

Matt sniffed.  "Doesn't look too bad to me, pal," she said as
she posed naked in front of a mirrored wall in the security
facilities gym.  "I am glad to have those damned electronic
restraints off, though."

"Don't get used to it, pal.  They go back on as soon as we
finish here."  Cat figured she could keep Matt from hurting
herself while they were working out and she did not want the
restraints activating at the wrong time.  Like during fighting
drills when sudden immobility might get her friend's face
smashed.  "And as for the body fat, well, by the time I am
done with you, your body fat will be half what it is right now
and you will mass out at over 60 kilos, Matty m'boy."  Cat
stopped short as a frown darkened Matt's green eyes.  "What's
the matter, pal?  What did I say?"

She was quiet for a long while, simply staring blankly through
Cat.  "I am not a boy anymore, Cat.  I never will be one
again.  That hurts to think about, that's all.  And right now,
when I feel that way, I feel it big time - just like I feel
everything else."  She steeled herself against the pain of
lost dreams.  "I need to face what I am now and what I can be
in the future.  Can we try to stop thinking of the man I used
to be, at least for a while?  Until I am used to being a . .
." Matt stopped.  Her mouth opened and shut, but no sound came
out.

"A girl, Matt?  Actually, a woman - is that what you are
trying so hard to say?" Cat asked softly.  Mutely, Matt
nodded.   "That is what you are, old friend.  A damned pretty
one, too.  Trust me on that one, and you can trust me on this,
too.  Being female can be pretty nice." 

At Matt's dubious glare, she chuckled.  She would really like
to show Matt just how nice being a girl could be, but that
would be taking advantage of her . . . dammit, his confusion. 
And it was definitely a "him" who was confused.  For all that
feminine beauty, the mind inside that tight little body was
"Pure-Matt" and Cat did not think her old buddy Matt was ready
to deal with those nice aspects just yet.  Cat would bide her
time until Matt had *her* feet back under her - wait until she
could handle being more than just friends with Matt's old
buddy, Cat.  If that ever came to pass, however, the waiting
would come to an screeching halt.  Cat would trip her "old-
buddy" and beat him . . . errr . . . her to the floor. *Guess
Matt isn't the only one around here who is confused by all of
this.*

Another thought came to Cat just then and she spoke before she
had a chance to hesitate.  "You know, Matt, it might be a lot
easier for you, hell - easier for all of us - to deal with
this if we did not constantly remind ourselves that you used
to be a guy every time we called you by your name."

"What?  I don't think I understand you, Cat."

"Your name, pal," Cat said with exaggerated patience, "I think
we need to give you a new name - at least for the duration. 
Every time I call you "Matt", you close up for a few seconds. 
So, girl friend, what is your new name?"

Matt was stunned.  Even his name, she realized slowly.  Those
bastards had taken everything that Matthew Sorenson had
thought was inalienably his.  She was even going to lose the
name given him by loving parents to whoever was responsible
for this . . . change.  But Cat was right, he finally admitted
to himself.  He - NO, dammit - *she* did close up every time
someone called out his old name.  "God, Cat.  I don't know. 
Matty, maybe?"  Her tone of voice gave away her uncertainty
and lack of comfort with that option.

Cat picked up on her friend's internal conflict and shook her
head emphatically.  "Not a good choice, chum.  It's too close. 
You'll still hear the "Matt" every time someone calls you
"Matty".  That won't help any of us.  Find something else."

"Christ, Cat, I never even had a kid of my own to name as
Matthew.  The last thing I ever named was a pet dog when I was
a kid and I named her Ralph."

"Her?  Girl, you do need help." The laughter in Cat's eyes and
voice eased some of the anxiety.  "Okay, let's see, we could
get the computer to help.  Put in some constraints, then
choose from the listing."

"No, I don't think so.  It was your idea.  What would you call
me?"

Cat had not anticipated that request and it momentarily
stopped her mental processes cold.  The woman he had become
was so beautiful, so perfect.   It was like she had stepped
out of that long-ago garden of youthful fantasies a young Cat
Donovan had secretly cultivated, and then hidden away back
when she'd been struggling with her sexual identity.  The
woman in that fantasy garden had had a name, too, and that
name had been . . .

"Mandy." 

The sound of her own voice surprised Cat.  She had not meant
to say that name out loud.

"Mandy," her friend repeated, instantly.  Matthew let the name
float in her head, and decided she liked it.  "Mandy, it is,"
she agreed, grinning up at the taller woman.

Fighting the strange and unusual emotions clogging in her
throat, Cat could initially only nod.  Then, she coughed, and
in a gruff voice ordered, "Okay then, Mandy, let's get your
lazy butt into the gym."